IDENTITY

For as long as i can remember, I have wondered who I was. What I stood for. It’s probably one of the most difficult things in the world to be able to define yourself. Comparatively, even defining other people is easier, even if you do it inaccurately. One of the biggest problem with trying to understand who you are is that you simply know too much. At least for me, it’s a big problem. Ignorance, indeed, is bliss. Since, I know all the crazy thoughts that go through my mind. Since I know all the things that I love and hate at the same time. It´s not really possible for me to say absolutely anything about myself. Because I have known times where I have acted or thought as someone completely opposite that. I would like to say that I am a nice person, who doesn’t want to hurt anyone. But, I know times when all I wanted was for a certain person to hurt as much as possible, to die a horrible death, whatever. Then again, I can’t say that I am a complete bitch either, because I have also been nice to people when I didn’t need to. I would like to say that I am someone who is philosophical and has lots of depth. But, at times I have been the shallowest, most superficial person ever. It is all pretty confusing and really, I can’t say anything. In a weird way however, I do know who I am. I am a nice bitch, an intelligent idiot, a pessimistic optimist, both ugly and beautiful. And somehow, just somehow, these oxymorons make sense. Because I guess I, like every other being, am beyond definitions.