FEAR

She felt a bit scared. But couldnt really even feel that. She had gone numb. Nothing really made sense. What had just happened couldn’t possible have happened. It wasn’t true. It was a nightmare. Yet she was awake. She knew it had happened. She knew it couldn’t be reversed. She knew she had to live with that moment for the rest of her life. She knew that something in her had changed. That she had changed. Maybe, completely. Maybe forever. And she had no choice in the matter. She couldn’t even choose to feel anything. She was too exhausted. She was scared. But there was no energy left to tremble anymore. There was no one who would take care of her when she needed it. No one who could. She wanted to do something. Anything. Just to feel. Just to get over the shock. She used her lighter. She burned her hand. Not because she wanted to hurt herself. Just to feel. Feel something. Feel the pain. She was just so scared. Terrified. And she didn’t know of what. She knew she was safe now. It wont happen again, she tried to tell herself. But its not that simple. It shouldn’t have happened even once. It couldn’t have happened. She wished she could just cry it out. But no tears came. A psychiatrist would say she was in shock(What did that mean? ) or maybe in denial. She wasn’t yet ready to accept the events that had taken place, and was in a state of extreme panic as a result of the past trauma. She knew the words. She had studied them. But they made no sense. Absolutely no sense at all. Really, nothing made sense. She wondered if anything ever again would…